guest blog from katie, alternative antenatal
How hypnobirthing can help you in the postpartum period and parenthood
Today I want to talk about how hypnobirthing tools can help you in parenthood and not just during pregnancy and birth.
We will also look at how to advocate for you and your baby and why antenatal education is important if you plan to have another baby.
So first off let's think about what hypnobirthing is. Essentially it’s a way of prepping for and giving birth, using relaxation techniques like listening to relaxing mp3s and anchoring methods. You can also expect to learn about the use of affirmations, visualisations and the one most people know is controlling your breathing.
A lot of this is done in pregnancy so it comes to you naturally during birth. Which is why it's never too early to practice.
Let’s look at some misconceptions and find out what it’s not. It’s not birthing in complete silence, it’s not refusing medical pain relief if you don’t want to and it’s not all or nothing. You can do all the prep in pregnancy to work towards a positive birth and not use the techniques in labour or you can do just the wave breathing during contractions while still using gas and air.
There’s no one way to do hypnobirthing and with all things birth it’s what feels right for you at the time.
During my antenatal classes I don’t just teach hypnobirthing tools. We look at how the body works, the birth partners role, how the environment effects your hormones and how this can then affect birth. You learn how to advocate for yourself and how to make decisions about your care. But why is this relevant to postpartum? Because so much of it can be taken into life with a child, whether a newborn or older child.
Our breath is the remote control to our bodies, we can change the hormones running through our bodies just by simply taking control of the way we are breathing.
In a triggering situation like your baby constantly crying, your toddler throwing mud up the walls or your partner leaving their shoes in the middle of the floor yet again you can easily into the same response pattern you would usually follow. Your heart starts to race, your breathing gets more shallow and fast, your pupils dilate and your mouth can go dry, your thoughts might race or you’re not able to think clearly.
This is called your fight or flight response, it’s how we respond to perceived threats and real ones. The cortisol and adrenaline in our bodies rises and causes a physical and mental reaction ready to deal with the real or perceived threat.
Some times when we're under stress we don’t fight or flight, our bodies go into the freeze response and this can look physically going stuff or feeling numb, having a decreased heart rate and holding our breath. Mentally it can feel like a sense of dread.
You can also enter the fawn response, this is a learnt response, which is seen as trying to please the threat to avoid conflict. This happens when fight flight or freeze has been unsuccessful.
All of these side effects from being in your stress response can take 20-60 minutes to leave our bodies perceived or real threat has gone.
The stress response occurs when the demands of the environment are greater than our perceived ability to cope with them.
So how can the breath help us? When we do calming breaths, which have been shown in studies to calm our autonomic nervous system we can bring ourselves back out of our stress responses. We can even take control before the stress responses kick in. It’s ideal to use while waiting for appointments you might be worried about or job interviews, in parenthood you can use it any time you feel yourself becoming triggered.
The breathing technique I call a calming breath is simply breathing in for the count of four and breathing out for longer. Some people can breathe out for the count of six and other can can do 8, it all depends on you and your ability so do what’s right for you. I remember it by renaming it in for four out for more. This breathing pattern can take up to three minutes to take full effect but even implementing it for three sets of breath can help bring you a sense of calm and grounding.
Other great tips for bringing yourself out of your stress response include things like counting and tapping your fingers together in a sequence and then back again. For your freeze response cold works well, so a super cold drink or some cold water on the wrists will bring you back to your parasympathetic state .To knock off the fight response you can try different types of movement; go for a walk, jump up and down, shake your hands or tense and release. Your fight can also be verbal so screaming into a pillow, will get those stress hormones out.
When we don’t complete our stress response cycle and keep all those stress hormones in our bodies too long it can lead to health problems like high blood pressure and gut issues.
Research has shown a 20 second strong hug can help complete the stress cycle so next time give it a try. Evidence has shown laughing, crying and doing something creative to be beneficial in completing the stress cycle.
I also want to mention if you feel you’re in this state a lot of time, you could be suffering from anxiety or ptsd from birth or another situation, so please seek medical advice. You don’t need to suffer alone and once people are aware they can help, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, your body may have got stuck thinking everything is a threat all the time.
Overstimulation is another way your stress responses could be set off. It’s no surprise when the kids are noisy, you’re constantly being touched and asked a million questions, your washing machines beeping and your phones going off from all the WhatsApp group notifications.
For this you can try not to over schedule yourself (I know how difficult that might be but try and outsource some stuff, let expectations go and drop the ball if you’re carrying too many), get some ear plugs to take the edge off, do your calming breath, chuck older ones out in the garden to get their after school energy out, they might be in their stress response from school so need to get their hormones regulated too!
Another topic that I talk about in my classes is the birth partners role. For some people your partner in life if you have one, may not be the person who supported you in birth but that isn’t important.
If you are sharing this parenting journey with someone you may be aware of what the period of adjustment can be like for both of you, it can take a while for both of you to adjust to your new family dynamic.
An activity I like to do with pregnant couples that also can work for you now is to separately write down what you expect from each other. Then come together and discuss your answers. It really highlights where you’re on the same page or where there is gaps that need to be worked on. I’m being stereotypical here but if you expect your partner to put his washing away all the time but they expect you to do the washing, ironing and putting away there’s some work to be done here. A favourite quote for me is “expectation leads to disappointment” and this works both ways.
In a perfect world the birth partners role doesn’t end as soon as the placentas out, their role is to protect the newborn bubble, everything they did during labour they should be continuing at home, like protecting your environment so your birth and bonding hormones can be flowing. Ideally they will be safe space that, grounds you and brings you calm while being able to advocate your wants and needs. So after you’ve had your baby it should be them telling people when they can visit and when you need space, they should be there to protect.
Next up is a fantastic point my friend Jessie at The midnight birth club made to be about affirmations. So affirmations you might have seen all over social media and might not think of them as more than just words but they actually have so much power when used correctly.
When using and making our own affirmations we say what we want and not what we don’t want. For example, before breastfeeding you’re worried it might hurt. But wouldn’t say “it won’t hurt when my baby feeds”, because thats still a negative thought, you’re anticipating pain and the brain doesn’t know the difference between the future and past. You want to spin it into something like “my baby feeds with ease, its a joy to feed my baby, it’s a comfortable experience” etc.
Affirmations work by creating stronger positive neurological pathways, so when a particular situation pops up your brain defaults to the positive rather than negative thoughts.
Another example could be it’s coming up to dinner time and it’s normally a free for all with your toddler, a battle of wills. Practice some affirmations and visualisations before hand, My toddler "explores food at their own pace”. Once again if you have any concerns about their feeding or wellbeing please get medical advice from your doctor.
When we “discipline” children we all know positive reenforcement of the behaviour we like to see works better than punishing the behaviour we don’t like, so we have to reparent our brains the same way. Positive thoughts have such an impact on the way we feel, act and think in future.
It can be super hard in the beginning, but even practicing little and often will help, you might feel silly doing it, but try different ways and different wording. Put up post it notes, change your phone wall paper, make a Pinterest board of affirmations you love. I personally love using if at the start of an affirmation.
My first born did cry a lot as baby because of an undiagnosed cows milk protein allergy so I use to say things like “what if my baby was calm and content" rather than my baby is calm and content when they clearly weren’t. If I didn’t feel like doing typical affirmations I would put on music hold my crying baby, dance and sing the songs, which had positive words. Madness it must be love was a fave.
During this time with my son I got a quick and fast lesson in what it means to advocate for yourself and your child. I was often told that my son was fine, he was just crying because his stomach wasn’t use to milk. He was a premature baby yes, but I was giving him expressed breastmilk, which I now know is the most easily digestible type of milk a baby can have. Had I known that cutting diary from my diet would of been enough I would have. But you live and learn and the learning luckily helped me when it came to having my daughter who was also premature and showing the signs of allergy. I went on to exclusively pump for her for 5 months!
So what is advocating for yourself? It’s a set of skills we use when we need to negotiate our wants during a discussion or time when a decision needs to be made. It helps you get the best outcome for yourself or on the behalf of someone else. Think like a solicitor, representing you.
How would we go about advocating for ourself?
Start by documenting your concerns in detail. When does it happen? What happens? What is the negative consequence on you or your child.
Do your research, if its medical what do NICE guidelines recommend? These are the policies hospitals should be following. Is there any studies to support what you’re saying? Have you got any evidence to support your concerns?
What do you want the outcome to be? If thats not available what alternative would you be happy with, what’s your non negotiable?
Make sure you stay factual, deliver any information in a calm and measured manner. Take things further if you have to, get a second opinion, talk to management etc.
By following the above I managed to get my son prescription formula to treat his cows milk allergy, it was difficult and took some confrontation but we stood our ground and got there.
It is also good to know what the BRAIN tool is. This is a little check list I like to use when making a decision.
You need to know the Benefits and Risks are to make an informed decision.
A is alternatives, so what else is available other than what’s being initially suggested.
I is your intuition which is so strong during pregnancy and once you have kids, I bet you can think of a time when you just knew something and was right.
N stands for nothing, this doesn’t always mean if we do nothing forever, it could be case of what would happen if we did nothing for 30 minutes while we get more information or nothing for a couple days.
I want to end with why I feel antenatal education is important for parents even if they attended courses in previous pregnancies.
Firstly not all courses are created equal, I did a course at the hospital with my first where I was read a powerpoint presentation word for word for two hours for 4 weeks. After that experience I didn’t bother with my second. I kind of thought I know it all what else could they possibly tell me, plus it was during covid. With my third baby I did a self paced online course. I thought it would be a refresher at most but it blew my mind and showed me how little I actually knew.
During my courses we also work on subconscious and conscious fears, which after a previous births can actually be higher. We really look into the physiology of birth and how our bodies work. We use tools and techniques to work towards a positive experience, which doesn’t look one type of way. I really do strive to make my courses as individual as you are and cater them to your circumstances.
Once you’ve had your first baby and birth experience it really gives you an idea on what you’d like to be different if you was to have a baby again, antenatal courses like mine can give you all the info you need on how to write a birth plan and why its important, how to get across your wants and needs and how to look at evidence and research to give you a birth experience you want.
We talk about Induction, pain relief and the different ways you can birth a placenta. There’s so much out there that you might not of even known was optional!
You also get get unlimited support from me and any questions you may have about your circumstances I can help you find the resources and facts to support your decision making.
A lot can change in a year. The NICE guidelines, hospital protocols and even how your next pregnancy may be compared to your previous one, so having individualised support can be really beneficial.
So if you’re looking to further your knowledge around birth please reach out for a free call to discuss your next steps, I would love to support you on your journey. If you’re not looking to expand your family I really I hope you got some useful tips on how to use hypnobirthing in every day life and how it can be beneficial in the postpartum period too.