4 REASONS YOU MIGHT NOT WANT YOUR PARTNER (OR MUM!) IN THE BIRTH SPACE
In these modern times it’s virtually unheard of for your partner, father of your child - or sometimes your mum - to not be in the room supporting you during labour and birth. And when you look around at all the incredible photos and videos of births, there is usually the trusty partner supporting in some capacity. However, not all birth givers choose to have their romantic partner or mum in the birth space, and for them it might be the best decision.
Here are four reasons why:
1. They don't have the right kind of energy
Perhaps your partner is a flapper, a panicker, a stress head! And you just don't want that kind of energy in the birth space with you. Maybe you feel like you'll have to look after them and make sure they're OK, rather than being able to go inwards and focus on yourself.
If you really want your partner there, and they have this kind of energy, then it might be a good idea to have them practice mindfulness, breathing techniques, and grounding, so that they can bring a calm and positive energy into the room.
But it might not be enough, and a better option for everyone could be for them to stay outside of the birth space.
2. Extra pressure
I have heard this one from a few pregnant people - who have left their partner or mum outside of the birth space because they feel like they would add an extra pressure to "perform" or behave in a certain way.
Birth is a raw and powerful experience, which may lead us to roar and moo and release the mammalian side of our nature! And many people feel like with that extra person in the room, they might feel embarrassed or mindful of how they are acting. Often, with just the presence of a midwife and a doula, you may feel less inhibited, and freer to behave in whatever way feels right for you at the time.
3. Privacy
We know that for the overwhelming majority, darkness, quiet and privacy is often the best environment to support physiological birth - and for some they prefer that privacy to be as… private as possible.
You may well prefer to be alone with just your midwife and/or doula. Or even to hide out in the smallest room you can find (people often gravitate to the small toilet room, or the shower for birth!)
It can be hard to know how you will feel at the time, so it's always worth mentioning to your partner or mum that when it comes to the birth, you may want to be as alone as possible.
4. Safety
Another key aspect of your birth environment is your feeling of safety. But your partner or a family member who is expecting to be at your birth may not feel like a safe person to you. Our bodies have the greatest chance of a straight forward labour and birth when we feel safe, and if you do not feel safe around your partner, your mum, or anyone who is expecting to be present at the birth, then you may need to think about alternative options, and please seek help and support if you’re able to do so. I have included some links below.