Helpful phrases if you feel like you are being coerced into making a decision

Writing these kinds of blog posts is always hard because in an ideal world, I wouldn’t have to write them.

If it were the case that every pregnant person was given clear, evidence based information at all their appointments, and then fully supported when they made their choices, then we would have far more people feeling positive about their births. Sadly this is not the case for everyone.

Nobody should leave a midwife/consultant appointment feeling like they’ve been coerced into a decision. But sometimes it happens, and we don’t even realise it at the time. 

Or we do, but our throat closes up and we just can’t speak. If this has happened to you, it’s NOT your fault! You are not weak. You have been failed and treated wrongly. 

Having some sentences in your repertoire (and practicing them in the mirror!) can be a way to feel more confident when responding to any coercion or heavy handed persuasion that you might have to deal with, particularly as your pregnancy nears the 40 week mark and talk of induction becomes incessant. 

Try printing out the phrases below, and taking them with you to your appintments, just in case:

Can you point me to the evidence which supports that?

If you’re strongly offered something and it sounds a bit iffy (or indeed you know it is) ask for the evidence that supports it.

Chances are… it ain’t there. And if it is… at least you now have all the info to make an informed choice.

Thank you for the suggestion, could you write it down with your name and *PIN/GMC number?

We know that much coercion includes throw away comments such as “it’s your choice but if something goes wrong don't blame me!” Ask the healthcare provider to write down what they're suggesting and give you their identification number and see those coercive comments dry up. *(PIN for a midwife, GMC for a doctor)

I'll have a think about that

We can sometimes feel flustered and as though a decision has to be made on the spot. But it rarely does.

You can end the conversation by saying you’re going off to have a think. By getting outta there, and creating some space, you’ll feel better able to make your own decision, and not so pressured to accept something you don't want.

No.

That’s a full sentence baby. Use it whenever you want.

According to Birthrights - "Your healthcare professional’s job is to explain the risks of treatment to you. They can recommend one treatment over others and give you their reasons for this. But they must not put pressure on you to choose a particular treatment for yourself or your baby. If your healthcare professional puts pressure on you to make you choose a particular treatment, this is called undue influence."

If you have faced coercive behaviour and  you feel up to it, you can file a complaint with your trust, or ask a friend/family member/your doula to complain on your behalf. You can also contact Birthrights if you would like help with a particular situation. They are available via email, and try their best to respond to emails within 24 hours.