CONSENT IN BIRTH
Consent is a topic usually reserved for conversations about sexual relations. But the issue of consent cannot be avoided or skirted around when we talk about birth. If you decline an intervention, that “No” must be respected. If the intervention you have declined is repeatedly offered, that is harassment.
Oestrogen levels are higher than ever in the third trimester, and this hormone, along with Oxytocin, are associated with the “tend and befriend” trait. This is a survival mechanism and stress response, whereby we nurture others and befriend social groups in order to protect ourselves and our offspring.
During stressful moments, it’s common to see the “fawn response” play out also. This is another survival mechanism, where we escape harm by pleasing the person making us feel unsafe, and keeping them happy at the expense of our own wants and needs.
In a birth setting, this can look like consenting to an intervention that we don’t want.
But if we have refused that intervention multiple times and it is still pressed upon us, then saying no becomes harder and harder, and often turns into a reluctant yes.
Imagine we heard a friend saying after a night out – “I didn’t want to have sex with him, but he badgered me so much about it that I ended up saying yes just to get him to be quiet”.
How would you feel if you heard that? Would you consider it consent?
Birth partners – you must be on the look out for this fawning, or tend and befriend behaviour. If an intervention is offered over and over – it’s your job to step in and say
“Please don’t ask anymore, you heard the answer the first time”. Make your birthing partner feel safe, supported, and advocated for.
Every single intervention offered to you is optional. Including:
Sweeps
Ultrasounds
Blood tests
Gestational Diabetes test
Vaginal exams
Epidurals
Induction
Active Management of the Placenta
If you say no to any of these, you should not be repeatedly asked.
Bear in mind that with many interventions, particularly vaginal exams, healthcare professionals expect you to say yes. So much so, that they often don’t pose the question. It’s often assumed – “hop up on the bed and we’ll do a quick exam to see if you’re in active labour”. This is not a sentence which invites a yes or no answer. It expects you to simply do as you are told.
If you do not want vaginal exams, you could write something like “Keep your hands to yourself”. That ought to do the trick!
Remember – everything is optional. And if you are not made to feel that way, then you are well within your rights to seek another healthcare professional.