5 top tips for birth partners
Birth partners may think they have it easy - after all they’re not the ones giving birth! But in many ways, they have the most to do. Birth partners are there for safety, comfort, advocacy, and practicalities. It’s a big role to play! Here are my five top tips for any soon to be birth partners:
Sort your own shit out before the birth.
There is a good reason I’ve put this as my first tip - I genuinely think it’s the most important! During your partner’s pregnancy you need to be thinking… What am I scared of? What is making me feel anxious? Figure that out and then TALK about it with your friends who’ve been at births and think it’s amazing. Work through your fears.
Bringing your fears and doubts in to the birth room is really harmful, and will do your birthing partner way more damage than if you weren't there at all. You need to be calm, composed and regulated - not hopping about, afraid that something is going to go wrong!
You cannot bring your fear into the birth room.
Do ALL the birth prep that your pregnant partner is doing.
Just because the baby isn’t coming out of you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know what’s going on! Your partner may well be doing lots of reading and research, and you need to take your share of the mental load by also preparing to be the best partner possible. And that doesn’t mean making your pregnant partner recap everything to you - that’s just ADDING to their work.
You cannot be supportive to your best ability unless you understand birth, hormones, and what happens during labour. So get learning on your own accord.
Support ALL your pregnant partner’s decisions.
Do they want a home birth and you’re hesitant? Well, it’s not your choice so do what you need to do to get on board.
Are they being pressured into an induction that they don’t want? Then support them, and don’t try and talk them into it just because it makes YOU feel better going with medical advice.
Unfortunately, pregnant people are often coerced into making decisions they are not comfortable with. And your pregnant partner doesn’t need to be up against you as well! So make sure that you are supporting all their decisions, however you feel.
Practice your breathing techniques.
It is imperative you stay calm and regulated because your partner is going to be looking to you for assurance and stability. That’s a bulk of your role! During difficult, intense moments they will look to you as a rock, a pillar of stability, and so they need to see that reflected back at them.
It’s so vital that your birthing partner feels calm and safe in your presence, and an amazing way to get you feeling that way is by using your breath.
So breathe. In for 4, out for more. That’s all you need to remember.
Speak up when it’s necessary.
Your birthing partner can move however they want. They can ask for or decline any intervention they want. They should not be coerced or disrespected at any point. Ever.
You need to make sure that this is being refected in the behaviour of everyone around them.
Advocating doesn’t come easily to everyone, and it’s especially difficult speaking out against healthcare professionals. So have a look at Mary Cronks Assertiveness Phrases and practice speaking up! Trust me, it’ll make the world of difference.
Birth partners I hope you find these tips useful - good luck!